My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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