She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She bit a glass in half.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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