I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
