Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
