piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
