WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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