Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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