just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
