I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
