He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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