i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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