hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
