a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
