He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
