you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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