Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish you could order shots online.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
