Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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