if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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