So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
