i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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