there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
