That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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