Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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