so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
