I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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