OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just had sex bonerless
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
