dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
