I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
