are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
