Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
