Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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