This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
