Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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