I just made out with a guy for $7.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
