i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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