we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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