So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
false alarm, still single
Randomize
