dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
