you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
