His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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