this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
