So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
