dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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