i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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