There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
