I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
