I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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