??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she peed on how many people?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
