uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
