but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
