I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
